How to Influence a Person Through Reciprocation
Summary
It seems it is important to take the trouble to repay others for what they have done for us.
The gratitude may or may not be heartfelt, but it is a psychological burden to ignore the need to reciprocate.
This principle exerts enormous influence on people and is often ruthlessly exploited by marketers.
Reciprocation can lead to unequal exchanges to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of obligation.
Often people will agree to a substantially larger favour than the one they themselves originally received.
How can this principle be used to our advantage?
Article
One of the best ways to get agreement or to motivate a person is to calibrate and detect the triggers they naturally respond to.
We all have an assortment of triggers though many of us are completely unaware of them.
So, what are triggers?
They are unconscious signals and people follow them without question.
Some of them are emotional and others psychological.
I wonder if you could determine what triggers you may have and find irresistible?
You might then begin to think about whether other people occasionally fire your triggers without you even realise this is happening.
Couldn’t possibly happen, could it?
Well…
We all have inbuilt emotional hot buttons.
The trick is to recognize them and then, where appropriate, either use them or subdue them.
Act or resist.
If you establish the hot buttons of another individual you will have an insight into how their mind works.
This can be useful information in a business context.
Of course, this is enormously powerful information, and it needs to be used congruently and with care.
One of the most important psychological triggers is the need to reciprocate – to repay somebody for something they have done for you.
The act of reciprocation seems to be hard-wired into the neurology.
The need to take the trouble to repay others for what they have done for us can produce an overwhelming feeling. It may be a feeling of guilt.
The gratitude may not be heartfelt, but it can be a psychological burden to ignore.
This basic human principle exerts enormous influence on people and is often ruthlessly exploited by marketers.
A significant number of studies have been performed in this area and some fascinating conclusions have emerged.
The findings make interesting reading.
For example, in one experiment, half the people attending a certain event were offered a soft drink for free.
Later, all the people who attended the meeting were asked to buy raffle tickets.
Unsurprisingly, the people who had been offered the free drink purchased twice as many raffle tickets, irrespective of whether or not they had accepted the drink.
Now, marketers will provide a number of free gifts to develop a relationship with their targets.
They will purposely build the need to reciprocate, until the favour is finally returned.
The gifts they offer could range from free samples of products to intangible gifts such as information and reports.
One devious variation of this principle is for a salesperson to make an extreme request that they know for certain will be rejected.
They then follow this refusal by offering a much smaller and affordable product, with a greater likelihood that this will be accepted.
“I can’t possibly afford that one, but this one…”
Reciprocation can lead to unequal exchanges to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of obligation.
Often people will agree to a substantially larger favour than the one they themselves originally received.
Have you ever come across a person who constantly asks to borrow things from you and you find it difficult to refuse?
They never seem to make an effort and rely on you to meet their needs.
The process begins to irritate but out of politeness it seems heartless to say no.
Here’s a method you can use based on reciprocation that can be used to overcome this simple and everyday irritation:
Debtor: “Thanks for the loan!”
You respond with:
“That’s fine – you’d do the same for me.”
Followed by: “Isn’t it good to know that friends can count on friends?”
Outcome: They will either repay the loan or never ask you again!
Now marketers use this process by providing good quality material overtime for free.
They then follow up with something along the lines:
“You’ve received parts one to five for free and I hope they have proved to be really useful.
I would like to say thank you to all those people who have told me of the enormous value they have extracted from the material.
I have had so many requests for the remaining ten parts, so if you would like the opportunity to purchase these remaining parts at a substantial discount, please let me know.”
How can you possibly resist!
Reciprocation is a really powerful indicator of influence.
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I Beg Your Pardon! Why Didn’t I Think Of That?
Summary
Why not begin to become familiar with a form of language based on hypnosis; let’s call it conversational hypnosis.
This will allow you to influence people and persuade them to agree with what you may wish to offer.
By adding a number of presuppositions to your language, you can really ramp up your skills of persuasion.
Instead of clearly stating something, introduce an element of ambiguity, and use softeners to make your language more agreeable.
This will allow a person to make their own assumptions and interpret for themselves what they want something to mean.
These and other techniques can be of real benefit because your view will always be accepted.
Article
How important is it to communicate effectively?
In fact, it could well be that your market value, job security, and ultimate success are in direct proportion to the quality of your ability to communicate.
Let’s face it, whether you are selling your services, products, ideas or competing for business, you are always selling you.
We readily accept that sales people face a number of challenges and will need to sharpen their skills in the many functional areas of sales.
Skills in areas such as consultative and relationship selling, prospecting for new business, handling sales enquiries, sales presentation skills, closing the sale skills, handling objections, selling to different psychological types, negotiating skills, time management skills, goal setting skills and personal motivation skills can be critical.
What about other occupations?
Still true, isn’t it?
Consider the following possibilities:
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you really needed to influence or persuade someone to do something that was very important to you, but you simply didn’t have the right words to make it happen at the time?
Have you ever been in a position where there was an opportunity to say precisely the right thing to someone in a face-to-face situation, but you stumbled and found yourself babbling with a confused response?
Have you walked away from an experience regretting that you didn’t think to say the one thing that would have caught the moment absolutely perfectly?
You later think: “Why didn’t I think to say…”
Have you previously consented to something and then later found yourself amazed and shocked that you had agreed to do it?
Afterwards, on reflection, you are forced to consider: “How on earth did I fall for that?”
Unfortunately, sometimes you only have one chance to get a message across and get it right.
Then the moment is gone, and gone forever.
Miss the boat and the opportunity disappears and the recriminations start.
Essentially, what has taken place?
You have been the victim of hypnotic communication.
You have either not had the linguistic dexterity required, or somebody else has used those skills on you.
Will you succeed next time?
Maybe, maybe not, but there is one certainty:
The difference that makes the difference is having the power of influence and persuasion at your fingertips, primed and ready to use in any context.
No matter what you want to achieve it is vital to build successful relationships with all kinds of people.
Whether it is in a business setting, socially, or at home, being skilled in the art and psychology of persuasion and influence is vital.
So, is there a way, perhaps some kind of secret weapon that can be used to avoid such frustrating situations?
What can be learned to enable you to take advantage of a given situation?
Perhaps the one over-riding skill that needs to be mastered is the ability to persuade and influence people.
Get this right and everything else falls into place.
What do you think?
Does a word mean what it says?
Not always!
Conversational hypnosis uses purposely vague language to cause a person you are communicating with to go inside and access their own mind to search for their own interpretation of what is meant.
When the message received is non-specific or ambiguous the mind will naturally extract the most appropriate meaning according to the listener’s view of the world.
We do this automatically when incomplete information is received.
We simply second guess and view the world subjectively.
Have you ever been with a person who has the irritating habit of finishing your sentences as you draw breath?
They are doing the same thing.
The mind is swifter than the voice and often we can’t help ourselves.
Well, if all this is true, what are the skills of persuasion that can be learned?
Funnily enough there is a way to gather these skills and it has been around forever.
What is the way forward?
Begin to become familiar with a form of language based on hypnosis; let’s call it conversational hypnosis.
Adding a few “hidden” commands and presuppositions to your language skills can really ramp up your skills of persuasion.
Instead of clearly stating something, introduce ambiguity and softeners.
This will allow a person to make their own assumptions and interpret for themselves what they want something to mean.
These and other techniques can be of real benefit because your view will always be accepted.
So, begin to use softeners such as maybe, perhaps, imagine and phrases such as “Think how wonderful you’ll feel when you…”
Examples:
“Can you imagine how wonderful you’ll feel when you master this skill?”
“What’s it like when you get enthusiastic?”
“Perhaps it’s time to consider another approach to this problem. What do you think?”
“Think how wonderful you’ll feel when you double your profits!”
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Watch Out Now! Take Care! Beware! Change Is On Its Way!
Summary
In life, we all seek to be rational, balanced, well-argued, and like to think we act based on sensible evidence, and what is important in a given context.
Before we act, we look at things from the broadest sense.
We look at the factors involved, establish cause-effect probabilities, make comparisons and contrasts, point out problems and suggest solutions, and are aware of where change is needed, don’t we?
Or do we?
Do we have the time to think through the issues we are confronted with today?
Or are we just too tired?
Article
Modern life has a tendency to unsettle people with its furious pace and constant change.
Sometimes it’s as if we are spectators in our own lives.
Each day accelerates by and with some relief we settle in our favourite chair at the end of yet another busy day.
Phew!
The weeks seem to go by in a blur.
At times we think all of this running around is getting a bit too hard.
Something needs to change!
Before drawing a breath we are quickly subjected to all kinds of advice by self-styled gurus.
“This is the way. Change this and your life will be perfect!”
“This way for instant success, don’t miss out and only one pill needed!”
Wow, you think, maybe I’m just making it too hard.
Perhaps this is the magic pill I’ve been yearning for.
I’d better change what I’m doing before it’s too late.
This furious activity seems to have altered our circuitry and has led to the accelerated hard-wiring of stress in our brains.
Everyday the world seems to become more complicated with stress levels soaring.
How does change sit with you?
Of course, some people embrace change, but the majority of us fear its frequent and unwelcome intrusion.
Today, we are subjected to a different set of circumstances compared with previous generations.
For example, computer culture and electronic gadgetry alone have caused an enormous shift in the routines of families.
Change can be complicated and difficult to manage.
At times it seems to have a life force of its own.
Once a full head of steam is generated it becomes harder to confine and its effects are difficult to ignore.
Change visits all parts of our lives, even when uninvited.
When we think, for instance, about the arts we recognise instantly how virtually everything has been touched by the change-compelling systems of mass-production and mass-consumption.
Similarly today, we think in episodes having been influenced too much by the television, and we communicate more visually with shorter attention spans.
We are told this is progress, but it does come at a price.
So, what is the best way to cope with the speed and challenge of change?
Can we discover some way to harness its potential and discard what is simply more spin?
Is there a litmus test we can use to consider where it may be useful?
And why is it we all too often become confused, frozen and unwilling to act?
Who is responsible for change? Is it the therapist who hopefully has the skills, or the client who seeks a solution to one or more problems?
Who knows best?
Do the assorted and rich number of techniques in the toolbox of change technologies such as NLP and Hypnosis guarantee that the right kind of outcome will be reached?
Are results a certainty if a client is one hundred percent willing to give it their best shot?
You are told: “I’m the guru, so listen and learn!”
Sometimes we get confused about what change actually is.
What does it really mean to change?
More importantly, a big question needs to be answered: “What is the purpose of changing something?”
Ideally, we want to be able to process change easily and contextually.
We don’t want to be drained by its presence.
We need to be able to make effective decisions without feeling too much pressure.”
A presupposition of NLP states that people have all the resources they need to make a change, any change.
This is an extraordinary statement, but is it true?
If so, why does a person go to a practitioner to get “fixed?”
In fact, the principle behind this presupposition is so powerful that if it is embraced it can lead not only to change but to transformation.
It seems to me that time to think is needed.
What direction is your life taking?
Ask yourself: Do you need time out?
Do you need to know your mind?
Perhaps the key to success is to be ready to make a change.
If so, how prepared are you?
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