#11 If You Want Results Learn How to Control Your Behaviour – Begin With Two Simple Questions

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by Mike Lally

One of the keys to getting what you want is to alter your thinking, state and physiology. Your state is how you feel – your emotional state, and your physiology is how you are holding your body.

Of course, what you think affects the way you feel. This in turn will influence your body language. Why should this matter? Have you ever wondered what other people think when they observe you? What impression do you unknowingly provide?

Stop for a moment and reflect on the information you are holding in your mind right now. Initially an internal representation is formed of some external stimuli. This is created though your senses.

The representation formed is immediately fuelled by two other critical aspects of internal communication – how you feel and the body language being expressed.

If you want to create a favorable impression make sure all three are working seamlessly together.

Perhaps it’s worth realizing that one of the keys to getting what you want is to adjust your behaviour when results are not forthcoming.

Fine, but what does this really mean? It may be time to consider altering the process that leads to the way you subsequently behave. In fact, the combination of what you think, the way in which you feel, and what your body language reveals, will determine your behaviour.

It is your behaviour that gets results, good and not so good. So, your results are directly attributed to your thinking, state and physiology. It is not just about the quality of your thinking!

Moreover, it is easy to ignore an emotion you may be feeling, or indeed, several emotions you may be experiencing in a given moment. But emotions shouldn’t be overlooked. Assessing your emotional state is vital to your well-being.

This means that what you think – your mind set, gets coupled with how you feel – your emotions, and is joined by your body language – what you reveal to create your behaviour.

If you are not getting the results you want, why not consider altering any one of these three elements of communication? If you integrate all three, it will radically change your behaviour and the results you achieve.

The task is to blend perfectly these three aspects of communication in a given situation to get the outcome desired.

As a simple test, ask yourself: What would somebody else think about you from observing your posture? What impression do you unknowingly provide? What does your body language reveal about you?

What does your body language say about your emotions? What does it say about your mind set? All these signals are always on display. Now consider the information you are holding in your head in any given moment.

Whatever internal representation you are holding in your mind is fuelled by two other critical aspects of communication – how you feel and your body language?. If you want to create a favorable impression make sure all three are working seamlessly together.

if you want to get more out of life this can be a way to get it!

Stated below are two simple questions that can help you to take control of your thinking to give yourself the best chance to create a favorable impression and set up the right conditions for success:

1) How do I feel right now? What emotional state are you in? As we all know, on some days we get out of bed feeling that nothing can stop us. We feel indestructible! On these days life flows really smoothly. In the blink of an eye the day is over and everything seems to have fallen into place. Yes, you end up rather tired, but with a sense of joy and satisfaction.

That’s great, but what about the other days? “I don’t want to attend that meeting…” “I don’t want to make that call…” and so on. The worm has turned and we give ourselves several reasons to shut out the world. Hey, leave me alone is the cry! We shut down emotionally. So, begin by asking yourself this question and drill down to get an accurate response.

How do I feel? Okay, I feel sad. Well, on a scale of 1 to 10, how sad? Let me see, a 7 is about right. Now we know the extent of the sadness and sets up the frame for the next question.

2) How do I want to feel? Consider what it is you are about to do and determine the best state to be in to accomplish the task. If you are about to go for a coffee, take a deep breath and relax.

Audibly sigh to let your brain know what chemicals to fire. Drop your shoulders, close your eyes for a moment, and assume a sense of peacefulness. Sense your emotions calming down. Notice a shift in your mind set.

Watch your body language alter. If you are about to get out of the car and walk to the door at home after a tough day, stop for a moment and reflect on how blessed you are. You may have formed a negative feeling as high as 7 out of 10 during the course of the day, but start to think of the (hopefully) loved ones inside the house who care about you.

Perhaps they have had a frustrating day too. Now get a feeling of joy in your body. Think about how lucky you are. Go into that state. Now get out of the car swinging your briefcase or handbag and show the people who really matter how wonderful they are and what a fabulous person they have in their lives.

How you think, feel and hold yourself will determine whether what you want to accomplish will be achieved. This is emotional intelligence at play.

Get this right and your behaviour will change and improved results will occur. No matter what the context, the trick in any situation is to quickly get into the relevant state and be willing to do it exquisitely. Get into the ideal state for the behaviour required.

Change your mind set. The complementary physiology will immediately follow. Be aware that your physiology will act in tandem with your psychology. Body language and mindset in lockstep. If this isn’t tackled it may well result in a limiting response and a negative outcome.

Less than what may be possible will be achieved and you will feel less empowered. These two simple questions can be used to set up a successful approach to anything you may wish to achieve in life.

They can be used in any context, from the most mundane to the absolute critical. They will guide your thinking and trigger the most effective behaviour.

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